What Turns Men Off On A First Date

Last post we talked about women turnoffs. Now let's be fair and consider dating turnoffs from the man's perspective. Again, I have borrowed some thoughts from Lisa Copeland, a dating coach - about what men find objectionable about women on the first date.

1. Men want to meet the real you. Don't wear shape-enhancing garments to deceive us. If we end up in bed with you we don't want to be surprised by a totally different body other than the one you advertised. Be honest and authentic. Show up as the real you, and a man will respect that.

2.  Don't complain about the men in your life when with another gentleman on a first date. Men do not appreciated that. If you continue with your male-bashing - don't count on a second date. Your date will picture you doing it about him when on a date with someone else. Do your male-bashing with your female friends.

3. Post current pictures of yourself online, as you would want men to do.  Post a full body picture - face and body. Men know the game when posting only your face. Men are physical beings - appreciating your personality is only part of the attraction. Also be honest about your age. Many men will be interested in you regardless of your age. Most important, don't deceive and disappoint on purpose. Again, be honest and authentic.

4. Don't turn a man into a pet project. Don't try to mold him into an image acceptable to you, in your life. If the man sees that you have such designs, he will become short history in your life. Most men like the way they are and how they live. Give a relationship time to mellow - before you make any recommendations for change. If your man likes you he might accommodate some of your requests. Go slow and be nice, you're not his mother.

5. Don't flaunt your super woman independence and self-sufficiency. Being proud is fine, however an experienced over 50 man wants to feel needed and able to take care of some things for you. Men show their love in forms of action - not words. If you make him feel unneeded, he will move on to another women. Find space in your independence to accept what a man is willing to give you and do for you. Be flexible in your priorities - being super woman or a soft and accepting woman. You will better attract men with sweetness than aggressiveness.

6. Men do not appreciate competing with your iphone on a date. Don't be rude - turn it off. You won't have much pleasure snuggling in bed with a cell phone nor will it comfort you after a difficult day. The fellow you are with on your date could turn out to be your knight in shining armor. Pay full attention to him, and you might be glad you did.

7. Limit your drinking on a first date. Chugging down the martinis will remind him of watching a football game with his buddies at the sports bar. He will wonder if you have a drinking problem, or if he is a bad date, or if you are looking for a one night stand. Too much alcohol will impair your judgment and possibly put him in control for the wrong reasons.

 

8. Watch what you wear and do on a first date. Be aware of over-revealing your feminine charms because the man will pay close attention to your signals and will interpret your intentions. If you are looking for sexual pleasure after dinner and drinks - fine, but don't count on a meaningful relationship. If that's not your intention, behave and appear like a lady to encourage a second date. There's a time and place for everything.

9. Be kind to a man writing you online. If you must reject him, do so with courtesy and thank him for writing you. Let the fellow know you don't think you're a right fit, that you don't have enough in common with him. Treat him as you would like to treated yourself and wish him luck on his dating journey. It never hurts to be nice. What you give - you get back.

10. Always show appreciation for what a man does for you. If you don't he will do nothing for you. Give a sincere "thank you" and some meaningful "I appreciate you" comments, because they go a long way in building and keeping a relationship going. Men enjoy pleasing women. If you take it for granted - it will stop.

As it takes two to tango, it takes two people, each contributing 100%, to encourage and celebrate a meaningful and loving relationship.

Share with me your experiences, comments and questions and I would love to answer.

Steve Kerner – Over 50… A Divorced Man’s Point Of View

Becoming Extraordinary

By Loving Life Through People

Find Lisa Copeland at these links:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-copeland/dating-over-50-8-dating-turnoffs-men_b_3314123.html

http://www.findaqualityman.com/

      

Dating Turnoffs Men Over 50 Should Stop Doing

Are you into the dating scene? Do you find that some women are turned off by you for some unknown reason? Lisa Copeland is a dating coach and I have borrowed some of her thoughts about what women find objectionable about men on the first date.

Ladies tell how excited they are being chosen as the woman you want to meet. Anticipation sets in about whether you will like them – as clothes are scattered about while searching for the perfect outfit to impress you in the hope the rendezvous will kick off greater expectations for a future relationship.

You knock on her door and disappointment immediately engulfs her because you have not met her expectations.

What are her expectations? 

They are based on common sense.

1. You should dress showing you care about yourself. Tuxedos    and suits are not required unless you are expecting to marry her on the first date, however abandon the baggy torn jeans and disheveled shirt. There are many discount stores to purchase stylish attire for the big date. Look good; make a pleasant impression to get that second date with her.

2. Aging takes its toll, but is no excuse or physical sloppiness. Dirty teeth, bad breath, skin tags on your neck are not exciting visions that invite a woman to kiss, touch or caress you. If this is you… go to a doctor and dentist before beginning your dating adventures, or you will be passed over for other more presentable man – not looking like they went twelve rounds with Mike Tyson.

3. Be honest on dating websites – no bait and switch. Your photo must be authentic no matter how overweight or homely your appearance. Post a picture of yourself from ten years ago and she will not recognize you when waiting your arrival at the restaurant. Don’t hide anything because it will make her wonder about you.

4. Don’t begin your date telling the lady gross stories about your flea infested dog if you expect her to hug you. Most likely she will want to rush home and fumigate her clothes. That is a strike out. Keep the story telling light and general.

5. If you initiate the date – pull out your wallet and pay for it. Later on she will be happy to share the bill or treat you. If you’re broke fix your finances before dating.

6. On the first date don’t go on and on about your wonderful life. She’s not interested in your pictures and memories. She wants to get to know you a little, not your life history. Don’t hog the conversation because she won’t stop your self-conceited dissertation that is turning her off. Encourage her to participate in the conversation by asking questions and then listen. She will think you a great conversationalist. Give and take is more effective and enjoyable.

7. Keep your passions on politics to yourself because you will turn her off after ten minutes. Most ladies don’t enjoy talking about politics although they do have opinions. Feel her out slowly over time or drop it completely.

8. What about the good night kiss on the first date? Don’t expect one, but if you chance it don’t jam your tongue down her throat. Be gentle and gallant with a kiss on her hand or cheek… so continental. Let her decide if she wants to share a French kiss with you. Women are romantic lovers to be cultivated over time. If you’re looking for a one night stand and a notch on the bedpost – it’s not your call, it is her call. Don’t set yourself up to strike out on the first date.

These issues that turn women off are more about protecting their privacy, independence and respect than reading men the riot act. Go slow, be nice, gallant, accommodating and good chance she will want more of you as the relationship develops. Keep in mind she may have been victim to several male predators and doubts the level of gallantry of many men these days. Be special for your lady and win the day.

Share with me your experiences, comments and questions and I would love to answer.

Steve Kerner – Over 50… A Divorced Man’s Point Of View

Becoming Extraordinary

By Loving Life Through People

Find Lisa Copeland at these links:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-copeland/dating-over-50-8-dating-turnoffs-men_b_3314123.html

http://www.findaqualityman.com/

Your Body

"If you don't take care of your body, where are you going to live?"
~ Nomi Shannon ~

What Is Health

What is health? Do you have it? Do you want it?

Read this and start thinking!

Many people, especially those over 50, are beginning to think more seriously about it. We are at an age where it’s too easy to loose it. Who would not agree that being healthy is better than illness?

Maybe comedian Billy Crystal didn't, when years ago on a ‘Saturday Night Live’ spoof he humorously imitated Latin actor Ricardo Montalban. With a Latin accent, Billy said, “Better to look good than feel good.” We all laughed back then, while repeatedly quoting the phrase – including the accent. It was good fun.

Health is on your writer’s mind all the time. Surely, you can all benefit by discovering different ways of thinking about health. Being in good health has even become important to younger men and women these days; because it’s too debilitating, inconvenient, and expensive being sick too often. Also, health benefits may be running slim in the corporate work places, and also with personal insurance policies and Medicare coverage.

My interest in staying healthy began several years ago – witnessing the demise of health-compromised parents. None of the several medicines prescribed by their beloved Dr. Joe improved their life. And, so many other people and friends, near my age (and younger), are also getting sick. We should make the effort to discover and understand why. 

Health is not what you get from a Dr. Joe, or anyone else. It comes from first having an understanding of how to be healthy. Mature men and women, of age and character, still out there in the business world or pursuing a social agenda – will eventually not perform very well when existing in a state of compromised health. And, who said we are supposed to get sick when we get older? Was it the doctors... the pharmaceutical companies? Human beings are designed to be healthy. There must be something we are doing wrong in our lifestyles... to make it not so.  

Visit again. You will benefit from what I figured out. Allow it to become your breakthrough to a life of well-being. There will be more to come on this subject. Stay tuned.

~ Steve - Over 50... A Single Man's Point f View ~