SUDDENLY SINGLE & OVER 50
A Divorced Man’s Point of View
On Life, Women and Everything Else
STEVE KERNER
I've been diligently working on this book and it is coming closer to completion and
professional editing. Then on to publishing.
I have posted here for you - some elements of the book so you will have a good
feeling for it. Scroll down and you will find my preliminary self-designed front and
back book covers (it will be professionally designed later on), a Dedication page, the
Contents page - so you will have a good feel for the subjects that will be discussed
in the book, and the revised Introduction reflecting a critique at the recent Queen
City Writers Conference (Charlotte, NC). I hope you enjoy and find it an interesting
and worthy read.
I would appreciate hearing you comments. Please let me know what you think by
sending me an email at: stevemkerner@gmail.com
FRONT COVER
professional editing. Then on to publishing.
I have posted here for you - some elements of the book so you will have a good
feeling for it. Scroll down and you will find my preliminary self-designed front and
back book covers (it will be professionally designed later on), a Dedication page, the
Contents page - so you will have a good feel for the subjects that will be discussed
in the book, and the revised Introduction reflecting a critique at the recent Queen
City Writers Conference (Charlotte, NC). I hope you enjoy and find it an interesting
and worthy read.
I would appreciate hearing you comments. Please let me know what you think by
sending me an email at: stevemkerner@gmail.com
FRONT COVER
BACK COVER
“Are You Stuck In Life?”
“Want To Move Forward?”
Read about Steve’s great point of view.
Finally! The best book for men over 50,
written by a guy over 50.
- Break Through the doldrums holding you back in your life.
- Check out the viewpoints and story-telling of a guy like you, having gone through everything, from happy prince to loosing his way.
- Discover step-by-step pre-requisites for enjoying life and building realistic relationships.
- Envision “Home Base” and soar with the “Eagles”.
- Men of all ages, and ladies are invited.
- See for yourself – join the conversation!!!
Nothing Held Back – Nothing Sacred
Everything Is Discussed.
DEDICATION
This book is dedicated to all the men who,
because of certain hardships and circumstances,
find themselves stuck in their lives.
May we all break through the fog of our doldrums
and shine as brightly as we should.
Even though this book is a conversation
for men over fifty, our younger friends,
and the great ladies we know
are always in mind.
CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION
Chapters
1. REALITY CHECK
Is yours like mine? Is mine like yours? Does anyone care?
2. THE GOOD, BAD & UGLY
Is there a choice to make here? Who's guilty? Why?
3. EMOTIONS, DO YOU HAVE ANY?
Get over it! Take control and be happy.
4. HEALTH, NUTRITION & MEDICINE
Fast food joints, the pills, or just getting out of bed.
5. SELF IMAGE, ESTEEM & PRESTIGE
I want to impress someone - maybe myself.
6. MEN, IT'S A MAN'S WORLD. OR IS IT?
What do they like? Women, cars and motorcycles?
7. WOMEN, I WANT ONE... OR MORE.
What do they like? Let me know. More on men.
8. LIFE & DEATH
The big picture. Maybe some day I will figure it out.
9. SO, YOU KNOW HOW TO COMMUNICATE?
Is it talking, looking, or listening?
10. RELATIONSHIPS - A LOT TO TALK ABOUT
Is it mate, marriage, or friendship?
11. DESIRES, OBJECTIVES & VALUES
I have great ones. I have none. I want to play a guitar.
12. HOME BASE
Is it the baseball diamond, or someplace special?
CONCLUSION
INTRODUCTION
Why this book was written. Why read it.
It was a balmy afternoon; the room was
filled with Florida sunshine. I sat opposite Rhonda in her beautiful home
spellbound in a state of amazement. She didn’t know me, but she was reading me
like an open book. I was told Rhonda had extraordinary intuitive abilities, but
how could she know so much about me?
She looked me in the eye and said,
"Steve, you’re going to write a book, but you know that… don't
you?" Wow… where did that come
from?
"Rhonda, what in the world are you
talking about?”
“Steve, you’ve lived a full life and have
awesome experiences to share with other people. You’re a regular guy,
intelligent, and know lots of good stuff everyone would be interested in
knowing."
"Thanks for the flattery but what
would I write about?”
“Steve, you’re over fifty and suffered
traumatic divorce after thirty years of marriage. Your life stood still but you
successfully broke through the fog of your doldrums. You created a new happy
life for yourself. Title your book: Suddenly
Single & Over 50 and dedicate it
to fellows like yourself who also experienced such emotional trauma. For sure,
they will benefit from your thinking. Maybe they are like you were back then -
treading water, stuck in life, unable to move forward - and what you say can
provide a different slant on how they could look at things and move forward in
their own lives… just like you did.”
How intriguing… I was going to become an
author. After the shock wore off my curiosity was genuine. She continued her
prophesy. “Steve, your viewpoints will be well appreciated because your own
circumstances might be similar to other guys in many ways. If not, they will at
least discover some incredible information or simply have a few good laughs by
some of the things you say.”
She challenged me! “Search the bookstores and
the internet. You’ll hardly find another book written by a divorced guy over
fifty for other divorced guys over fifty - about his point of view on
relationships with woman and so many other things. Picture a guy enjoying your book
during coffee, or while chugging down the brewskies, sipping martinis at the
club, on an airplane, or while spending time in the bathroom. Maybe they will
leave it on the cocktail table as a curiosity to impress some lady friend.
Maybe women will also enjoy reading it if only to discover what some men are
thinking about and how they approach life. They may even come to respect and
love men with a greater empathy and compassion." I pondered on that. Wouldn’t
that be awesome, but who could guarantee that?
I wish I
thought about writing long ago, if only to see my thoughts on paper. It’s
interesting reading your own thoughts. You notice how great or ridiculous they
can seem at any given moment. Right now, I’m percolating with information and
attitude… after experimenting with so many ways to write stuff down for you in
some sensible and enjoyable fashion.
Have you
ever considered the way we think about ourselves is born from our relationships
and dealings with people? As Walter Cronkite once said, "The events that
alter and illuminate our times" (or screw it up) are foundational to our
character. Once acknowledging that, all those happenings and circumstances turned
out to be great lessons for me - even when not knowing what they meant at the
time. This dance of life we go through teaches many lessons. Often they are
ignored, lost or misunderstood. Sometimes clarity and understanding comes
quickly, sometimes never. Clues may eventually surface later on down the road.
Let’s hope we notice. I bet you might
know what I am talking about. Maybe much
of my stuff is similar to what you have gone through or perhaps wondering
about.
Life is absolutely
about relationships - with people, places, and things - and boldly pursuing the
living of life is a wonderful way to cultivate beautiful and long-lasting
connections with all of it. Moreover, to become good at relationship building,
you will come to see that certain prerequisites ought to be in place and
understood before moving ahead in any direction. Therefore, you will discover
that the topics of my conversation and storytelling are placed in a certain
sequential order - which will make better sense in how it flows.
For
example, you could agree it important to have a handle on reality, to let go of
guilt, fear and all the negative issues that too often distort one's true
character; and rather exude a healthy, positive and vibrant sense of presence
about yourself. Having a handle on such things will enable you to better
present the best picture of yourself to the world - to ensure more successful
results when interacting with your fellow human beings... that is if you want
to. This approach helps explain a lot regarding these matters. To that end,
this book is written to share some good thinking with you, and because we live
in the land of the free and the home of the brave…
~ George
Eliot ~
Are you
asking "Who is Steve Kerner”? Is he a credible fellow? Why should I read
his book”? If you’re curious and choose to continue reading… everything will be
revealed. You will discover I am actually over 50, divorced and single, and
really like being who I am at this moment in life… because of all of it.
I am an
American man having witnessed over 50 years of life. There were life events
that were terrific, some only average and at other times… forget about it.
Nevertheless, I have lived to tell the tale even with a sense of humor after
all those crazy years. Am I sounding familiar, a little like you, or anyone
else you know trying to manage their own life through hectic times? Be
open-minded about what is being shared with you here because you will gain a
different perspective about things. Who knows! If what is said shines some
light, terrific. If not, you will have to write your own book - and please let
everyone know so we can read it. Let’s choose to be open-minded and willing to
evolve.
Life included wine, women and song, a fair
share of debauchery, college and military service, a couple of challenging
careers, marriage and divorce, children and delightful grandchildren. I must
also note the keeping of excellent longtime friends, losing others and meeting
new ones along the way. Of course, there were successes, failures, and death to
deal with. New avenues of thinking came along to surprise and delight, or
confound and confuse along my way.
Believe me, the whole of it has affected and changed me big time… again,
I say for the better.
In the workplace, most of my career was
centered in the world of retail architecture and design. I was a creative guy.
The latter portion of that career was spent in department store management,
supervising several other creative and technical people. I discovered the
corporate environment to be an interesting place in which to work my creativity
and perform my memorable works for humanity. I’m laughing because it can also
drain it away. However, be of good cheer
because when I was drained ways were found to revitalize and restore body, mind
and spirit.
Yes, you
also can think about becoming younger! How about that and why not? Therefore,
as a celebration of every next birthday, claim to be a year younger than you
were the previous year. However, don’t expect anyone to notice any difference
or even care. But they might. Do it because it does wonders in sustaining a
great frame of mind and sense of amusement. If you can’t laugh at the silliness
of life… forget about it.
Consequently,
my daughter Sari asked, "Dad, what happens when you get to be my age while
going backwards?" Ooops! I had not considered that. Well… I guess I will
end my make believe age regression back towards childhood - let's say around a
respectful 56. After all, it would be difficult for my dear daughter to explain
how her father is younger than she is. Besides, my distinguished silver hair will
surely give it away.
However, by
keeping ourselves healthy and in good physical shape maybe we can get away with
it. No matter, making life fun and amusing can keep anyone young at heart.
Incidentally, I’m not crazy. Indeed, I am healthy, vibrant and lucid even when
I choose to behave immaturely. Why should I grow up when I’m having so much fun
now? How about you?
It may be
important to note that I am not a licensed professional self-help expert. However,
I have become my own expert and I trust that you will come to agree that I am a
super and superb expert. We will become experts together because we all
potentially are experts. It’s true, trust in that. If someone asks you to
assume a role of teacher, healer, philosopher, holy man or simply just a real
regular guy - take your expertise and insight directly from the schoolroom of
your life. Yes, we are experts. Don’t spend another moment thinking we’re not. We
know good stuff.
I’ve become
comfortable offering my opinions because I have lived through the experiences
that have proved them accurate to me. I bet it may be the same with you whether
you realize or believe it yet. You will love what you read here, or you can
disagree with it. At least, allow it to stimulate you to create your own great
point of view about things that have made you who and what you are today. Maybe
I will say something profound. Don't miss out!
Ponder on this. Life is an
amazing journey - even while triumphing or stumbling through the process. When
falling during the hard times, it can really hurt. Sometimes it’s difficult getting
back up. Often it will take a complete attitude adjustment and a paradigm shift
for it to happen. But, it will happen if
you want it to happen.
The dictionary says a paradigm is a model,
a set of assumptions, concepts, values and practices that constitute a way of
viewing reality for the group that shares them. Exploring new paradigms can be
like trying on a new fashion of clothing. You don’t readily know whether it
will fit you well, if you will look good in it or even if you will like it.
However, you bravely put it on and go forward with a new perspective about
yourself and things in general - just to try it out. Yep… that’s what I did. I
experimented and created a new me. You can absolutely do the same.
Now you
know me and can appreciate what I have to tell you. This book is full of things
worth talking about, serious, silly, and light-hearted. So for a brief time suspend
what you know and look at things through my eyes with curiosity and an open
mind. Become uplifted and enjoy yourself as you become an expert about life -
like me of course. Have fun, be serious, be joyful or be a gloomy curmudgeon -
be however you choose to be. I choose life and contentment and my journey
evolves towards the best, always considering self-reinvention along the way.
Join me!
This is
what we will talk about. Think of it as a conversation between regular guys –
young or mellowed in age - and even with gals who may be interested. Don’t
worry about the sometimes bawdiness or off-humor; because anything might be
acceptable in the course of spirited conversation. So, here is my slant on life… how I see it.
“The greatest good you can do for another
Take this
ride with me because I have done my best for you and this book will prove
interesting – and to borrow an old expression, maybe the best thing since man
walked on the moon. Oh boy, am I full of myself today; however I do remain a
regular guy.
That’s
how this book came to be, and why you should read it.
DEDICATION
This book is dedicated to all the men who,
because of certain hardships and circumstances,
find themselves stuck in their lives.
May we all break through the fog of our doldrums
and shine as brightly as we should.
because of certain hardships and circumstances,
find themselves stuck in their lives.
May we all break through the fog of our doldrums
and shine as brightly as we should.
 |
Even though this book is a conversation
for men over fifty, our younger friends,
and the great ladies we know
are always in mind.
for men over fifty, our younger friends,
and the great ladies we know
are always in mind.
CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION
Chapters
1. REALITY CHECK
Is yours like mine? Is mine like yours? Does anyone care?
2. THE GOOD, BAD & UGLY
Is there a choice to make here? Who's guilty? Why?
3. EMOTIONS, DO YOU HAVE ANY?
Get over it! Take control and be happy.
4. HEALTH, NUTRITION & MEDICINE
Fast food joints, the pills, or just getting out of bed.
5. SELF IMAGE, ESTEEM & PRESTIGE
I want to impress someone - maybe myself.
6. MEN, IT'S A MAN'S WORLD. OR IS IT?
What do they like? Women, cars and motorcycles?
7. WOMEN, I WANT ONE... OR MORE.
What do they like? Let me know. More on men.
8. LIFE & DEATH
The big picture. Maybe some day I will figure it out.
9. SO, YOU KNOW HOW TO COMMUNICATE?
Is it talking, looking, or listening?
10. RELATIONSHIPS - A LOT TO TALK ABOUT
Is it mate, marriage, or friendship?
11. DESIRES, OBJECTIVES & VALUES
I have great ones. I have none. I want to play a guitar.
12. HOME BASE
Is it the baseball diamond, or someplace special?
CONCLUSION
INTRODUCTION
Why this book was written. Why read it.
It was a balmy afternoon; the room was
filled with Florida sunshine. I sat opposite Rhonda in her beautiful home
spellbound in a state of amazement. She didn’t know me, but she was reading me
like an open book. I was told Rhonda had extraordinary intuitive abilities, but
how could she know so much about me?
She looked me in the eye and said,
"Steve, you’re going to write a book, but you know that… don't
you?" Wow… where did that come
from?
"Rhonda, what in the world are you
talking about?”
“Steve, you’ve lived a full life and have
awesome experiences to share with other people. You’re a regular guy,
intelligent, and know lots of good stuff everyone would be interested in
knowing."
"Thanks for the flattery but what
would I write about?”
“Steve, you’re over fifty and suffered
traumatic divorce after thirty years of marriage. Your life stood still but you
successfully broke through the fog of your doldrums. You created a new happy
life for yourself. Title your book: Suddenly
Single & Over 50 and dedicate it
to fellows like yourself who also experienced such emotional trauma. For sure,
they will benefit from your thinking. Maybe they are like you were back then -
treading water, stuck in life, unable to move forward - and what you say can
provide a different slant on how they could look at things and move forward in
their own lives… just like you did.”
How intriguing… I was going to become an
author. After the shock wore off my curiosity was genuine. She continued her
prophesy. “Steve, your viewpoints will be well appreciated because your own
circumstances might be similar to other guys in many ways. If not, they will at
least discover some incredible information or simply have a few good laughs by
some of the things you say.”
She challenged me! “Search the bookstores and
the internet. You’ll hardly find another book written by a divorced guy over
fifty for other divorced guys over fifty - about his point of view on
relationships with woman and so many other things. Picture a guy enjoying your book
during coffee, or while chugging down the brewskies, sipping martinis at the
club, on an airplane, or while spending time in the bathroom. Maybe they will
leave it on the cocktail table as a curiosity to impress some lady friend.
Maybe women will also enjoy reading it if only to discover what some men are
thinking about and how they approach life. They may even come to respect and
love men with a greater empathy and compassion." I pondered on that. Wouldn’t
that be awesome, but who could guarantee that?
I wish I
thought about writing long ago, if only to see my thoughts on paper. It’s
interesting reading your own thoughts. You notice how great or ridiculous they
can seem at any given moment. Right now, I’m percolating with information and
attitude… after experimenting with so many ways to write stuff down for you in
some sensible and enjoyable fashion.
Have you
ever considered the way we think about ourselves is born from our relationships
and dealings with people? As Walter Cronkite once said, "The events that
alter and illuminate our times" (or screw it up) are foundational to our
character. Once acknowledging that, all those happenings and circumstances turned
out to be great lessons for me - even when not knowing what they meant at the
time. This dance of life we go through teaches many lessons. Often they are
ignored, lost or misunderstood. Sometimes clarity and understanding comes
quickly, sometimes never. Clues may eventually surface later on down the road.
Let’s hope we notice. I bet you might
know what I am talking about. Maybe much
of my stuff is similar to what you have gone through or perhaps wondering
about.
Life is absolutely
about relationships - with people, places, and things - and boldly pursuing the
living of life is a wonderful way to cultivate beautiful and long-lasting
connections with all of it. Moreover, to become good at relationship building,
you will come to see that certain prerequisites ought to be in place and
understood before moving ahead in any direction. Therefore, you will discover
that the topics of my conversation and storytelling are placed in a certain
sequential order - which will make better sense in how it flows.
For
example, you could agree it important to have a handle on reality, to let go of
guilt, fear and all the negative issues that too often distort one's true
character; and rather exude a healthy, positive and vibrant sense of presence
about yourself. Having a handle on such things will enable you to better
present the best picture of yourself to the world - to ensure more successful
results when interacting with your fellow human beings... that is if you want
to. This approach helps explain a lot regarding these matters. To that end,
this book is written to share some good thinking with you, and because we live
in the land of the free and the home of the brave…
~ George
Eliot ~
Are you
asking "Who is Steve Kerner”? Is he a credible fellow? Why should I read
his book”? If you’re curious and choose to continue reading… everything will be
revealed. You will discover I am actually over 50, divorced and single, and
really like being who I am at this moment in life… because of all of it.
I am an
American man having witnessed over 50 years of life. There were life events
that were terrific, some only average and at other times… forget about it.
Nevertheless, I have lived to tell the tale even with a sense of humor after
all those crazy years. Am I sounding familiar, a little like you, or anyone
else you know trying to manage their own life through hectic times? Be
open-minded about what is being shared with you here because you will gain a
different perspective about things. Who knows! If what is said shines some
light, terrific. If not, you will have to write your own book - and please let
everyone know so we can read it. Let’s choose to be open-minded and willing to
evolve.
Life included wine, women and song, a fair
share of debauchery, college and military service, a couple of challenging
careers, marriage and divorce, children and delightful grandchildren. I must
also note the keeping of excellent longtime friends, losing others and meeting
new ones along the way. Of course, there were successes, failures, and death to
deal with. New avenues of thinking came along to surprise and delight, or
confound and confuse along my way.
Believe me, the whole of it has affected and changed me big time… again,
I say for the better.
In the workplace, most of my career was
centered in the world of retail architecture and design. I was a creative guy.
The latter portion of that career was spent in department store management,
supervising several other creative and technical people. I discovered the
corporate environment to be an interesting place in which to work my creativity
and perform my memorable works for humanity. I’m laughing because it can also
drain it away. However, be of good cheer
because when I was drained ways were found to revitalize and restore body, mind
and spirit.
Yes, you
also can think about becoming younger! How about that and why not? Therefore,
as a celebration of every next birthday, claim to be a year younger than you
were the previous year. However, don’t expect anyone to notice any difference
or even care. But they might. Do it because it does wonders in sustaining a
great frame of mind and sense of amusement. If you can’t laugh at the silliness
of life… forget about it.
Consequently,
my daughter Sari asked, "Dad, what happens when you get to be my age while
going backwards?" Ooops! I had not considered that. Well… I guess I will
end my make believe age regression back towards childhood - let's say around a
respectful 56. After all, it would be difficult for my dear daughter to explain
how her father is younger than she is. Besides, my distinguished silver hair will
surely give it away.
However, by
keeping ourselves healthy and in good physical shape maybe we can get away with
it. No matter, making life fun and amusing can keep anyone young at heart.
Incidentally, I’m not crazy. Indeed, I am healthy, vibrant and lucid even when
I choose to behave immaturely. Why should I grow up when I’m having so much fun
now? How about you?
It may be
important to note that I am not a licensed professional self-help expert. However,
I have become my own expert and I trust that you will come to agree that I am a
super and superb expert. We will become experts together because we all
potentially are experts. It’s true, trust in that. If someone asks you to
assume a role of teacher, healer, philosopher, holy man or simply just a real
regular guy - take your expertise and insight directly from the schoolroom of
your life. Yes, we are experts. Don’t spend another moment thinking we’re not. We
know good stuff.
I’ve become
comfortable offering my opinions because I have lived through the experiences
that have proved them accurate to me. I bet it may be the same with you whether
you realize or believe it yet. You will love what you read here, or you can
disagree with it. At least, allow it to stimulate you to create your own great
point of view about things that have made you who and what you are today. Maybe
I will say something profound. Don't miss out!
Ponder on this. Life is an
amazing journey - even while triumphing or stumbling through the process. When
falling during the hard times, it can really hurt. Sometimes it’s difficult getting
back up. Often it will take a complete attitude adjustment and a paradigm shift
for it to happen. But, it will happen if
you want it to happen.
The dictionary says a paradigm is a model,
a set of assumptions, concepts, values and practices that constitute a way of
viewing reality for the group that shares them. Exploring new paradigms can be
like trying on a new fashion of clothing. You don’t readily know whether it
will fit you well, if you will look good in it or even if you will like it.
However, you bravely put it on and go forward with a new perspective about
yourself and things in general - just to try it out. Yep… that’s what I did. I
experimented and created a new me. You can absolutely do the same.
Now you
know me and can appreciate what I have to tell you. This book is full of things
worth talking about, serious, silly, and light-hearted. So for a brief time suspend
what you know and look at things through my eyes with curiosity and an open
mind. Become uplifted and enjoy yourself as you become an expert about life -
like me of course. Have fun, be serious, be joyful or be a gloomy curmudgeon -
be however you choose to be. I choose life and contentment and my journey
evolves towards the best, always considering self-reinvention along the way.
Join me!
This is
what we will talk about. Think of it as a conversation between regular guys –
young or mellowed in age - and even with gals who may be interested. Don’t
worry about the sometimes bawdiness or off-humor; because anything might be
acceptable in the course of spirited conversation. So, here is my slant on life… how I see it.
“The greatest good you can do for another
Take this
ride with me because I have done my best for you and this book will prove
interesting – and to borrow an old expression, maybe the best thing since man
walked on the moon. Oh boy, am I full of myself today; however I do remain a
regular guy.
That’s
how this book came to be, and why you should read it.
INTRODUCTION
Why this book was written. Why read it.
Who is this guy Steve Kerner?
It was a balmy afternoon; the room was
filled with Florida sunshine. I sat opposite Rhonda in her beautiful home
spellbound in a state of amazement. She didn’t know me, but she was reading me
like an open book. I was told Rhonda had extraordinary intuitive abilities, but
how could she know so much about me?
She looked me in the eye and said,
"Steve, you’re going to write a book, but you know that… don't
you?" Wow… where did that come
from?
"Rhonda, what in the world are you
talking about?”
“Steve, you’ve lived a full life and have
awesome experiences to share with other people. You’re a regular guy,
intelligent, and know lots of good stuff everyone would be interested in
knowing."
"Thanks for the flattery but what
would I write about?”
“Steve, you’re over fifty and suffered
traumatic divorce after thirty years of marriage. Your life stood still but you
successfully broke through the fog of your doldrums. You created a new happy
life for yourself. Title your book: Suddenly
Single & Over 50 and dedicate it
to fellows like yourself who also experienced such emotional trauma. For sure,
they will benefit from your thinking. Maybe they are like you were back then -
treading water, stuck in life, unable to move forward - and what you say can
provide a different slant on how they could look at things and move forward in
their own lives… just like you did.”
How intriguing… I was going to become an
author. After the shock wore off my curiosity was genuine. She continued her
prophesy. “Steve, your viewpoints will be well appreciated because your own
circumstances might be similar to other guys in many ways. If not, they will at
least discover some incredible information or simply have a few good laughs by
some of the things you say.”
She challenged me! “Search the bookstores and
the internet. You’ll hardly find another book written by a divorced guy over
fifty for other divorced guys over fifty - about his point of view on
relationships with woman and so many other things. Picture a guy enjoying your book
during coffee, or while chugging down the brewskies, sipping martinis at the
club, on an airplane, or while spending time in the bathroom. Maybe they will
leave it on the cocktail table as a curiosity to impress some lady friend.
Maybe women will also enjoy reading it if only to discover what some men are
thinking about and how they approach life. They may even come to respect and
love men with a greater empathy and compassion." I pondered on that. Wouldn’t
that be awesome, but who could guarantee that?
I accepted Rhonda’s challenge and sure
enough she was on track. There are scores of self-help books written for men or
women, or about their mutual relationships by authors offering solutions for
people they don’t even know. However, I couldn’t find anything especially written
by men for men of the same age bracket. Why not… don’t we count?
So here in this book we will become
empathetic friends in the ‘Surviving Divorce Club’. Consider this book a
conversation written for you in a spirit of camaraderie. You’ll be entertained
and uplifted by stories and opinions about life from my real experiences living
through it. And, along with the philosophy and bawdy humor will come
practicalities; because philosophies and beliefs work better when supported by
practicalities. Wouldn’t you like to move forward once again and build a
happier life while confidently excelling in the world of relationships… with
people, places, and experiences?
I wish I
thought about writing long ago, if only to see my thoughts on paper. It’s
interesting reading your own thoughts. You notice how great or ridiculous they
can seem at any given moment. Right now, I’m percolating with information and
attitude… after experimenting with so many ways to write stuff down for you in
some sensible and enjoyable fashion.
Have you
ever considered the way we think about ourselves is born from our relationships
and dealings with people? As Walter Cronkite once said, "The events that
alter and illuminate our times" (or screw it up) are foundational to our
character. Once acknowledging that, all those happenings and circumstances turned
out to be great lessons for me - even when not knowing what they meant at the
time. This dance of life we go through teaches many lessons. Often they are
ignored, lost or misunderstood. Sometimes clarity and understanding comes
quickly, sometimes never. Clues may eventually surface later on down the road.
Let’s hope we notice. I bet you might
know what I am talking about. Maybe much
of my stuff is similar to what you have gone through or perhaps wondering
about.
Life is absolutely
about relationships - with people, places, and things - and boldly pursuing the
living of life is a wonderful way to cultivate beautiful and long-lasting
connections with all of it. Moreover, to become good at relationship building,
you will come to see that certain prerequisites ought to be in place and
understood before moving ahead in any direction. Therefore, you will discover
that the topics of my conversation and storytelling are placed in a certain
sequential order - which will make better sense in how it flows.
For
example, you could agree it important to have a handle on reality, to let go of
guilt, fear and all the negative issues that too often distort one's true
character; and rather exude a healthy, positive and vibrant sense of presence
about yourself. Having a handle on such things will enable you to better
present the best picture of yourself to the world - to ensure more successful
results when interacting with your fellow human beings... that is if you want
to. This approach helps explain a lot regarding these matters. To that end,
this book is written to share some good thinking with you, and because we live
in the land of the free and the home of the brave…
Let's Play Ball!
Wait… before
we do, I will paint a picture of myself:
“What do we
live for if not to make life
less
difficult for each other?”
~ George
Eliot ~
Are you
asking "Who is Steve Kerner”? Is he a credible fellow? Why should I read
his book”? If you’re curious and choose to continue reading… everything will be
revealed. You will discover I am actually over 50, divorced and single, and
really like being who I am at this moment in life… because of all of it.
I am an
American man having witnessed over 50 years of life. There were life events
that were terrific, some only average and at other times… forget about it.
Nevertheless, I have lived to tell the tale even with a sense of humor after
all those crazy years. Am I sounding familiar, a little like you, or anyone
else you know trying to manage their own life through hectic times? Be
open-minded about what is being shared with you here because you will gain a
different perspective about things. Who knows! If what is said shines some
light, terrific. If not, you will have to write your own book - and please let
everyone know so we can read it. Let’s choose to be open-minded and willing to
evolve.
Life began in Brooklyn, New York, growing
up with parents until capable of self-reliance and self-thought, enabling me to
free myself from my father's influence and his particular brand of values. I
disagreed with so much of his stuff, and still do. However, I worked on getting
over the negative feelings and came to understand that he did the best with
what he knew at the time. How fortunate my mother was loving, nurturing and so
beautiful. Sometimes I wondered why she loved him so much, but she did. And
thank goodness for that because who and where would I be today? What would the
world be like without mothers?
Brooklyn, Manhattan, Queens, Long Island
and up the Catskill Mountains were my early fertile stomping grounds creating
many of my male rites of passage. The center of my universe was New York City,
until moving to the sunny skies of hurricane-afflicted Florida. Without
conceit, I now know it’s OK to consider myself the center of my own universe.
That attitude took time to evolve… but why not? I’ve become an all-inclusive
guy and what’s wrong with feeling bigger than life? Don’t you? But, you will.
Life included wine, women and song, a fair
share of debauchery, college and military service, a couple of challenging
careers, marriage and divorce, children and delightful grandchildren. I must
also note the keeping of excellent longtime friends, losing others and meeting
new ones along the way. Of course, there were successes, failures, and death to
deal with. New avenues of thinking came along to surprise and delight, or
confound and confuse along my way.
Believe me, the whole of it has affected and changed me big time… again,
I say for the better.
In the workplace, most of my career was
centered in the world of retail architecture and design. I was a creative guy.
The latter portion of that career was spent in department store management,
supervising several other creative and technical people. I discovered the
corporate environment to be an interesting place in which to work my creativity
and perform my memorable works for humanity. I’m laughing because it can also
drain it away. However, be of good cheer
because when I was drained ways were found to revitalize and restore body, mind
and spirit.
It seemed that I worked forever. Nevertheless,
the world of retirement was of little interest to me. By continually exploring
the workplace you can discover new amazing opportunities and adventures
everywhere in the world of entrepreneurship, even during hard times. By exploring
the ones of choice you remain vibrant and alive. Now I am a writer. How about
that? It has been an interesting journey and it’s not over… not by a long shot.
Incidentally, yours is not over either. Did you think otherwise? You can never
know how your imagination will be ignited.
Over 50
sounds good in this book's title because in the bigger picture it represents
over half a century folks. Also, when speaking in terms of age you will never
hear me use the term old because I do
not think in terms of old. Think about this. If you keep saying that you
feel old or that you are old - you might become and feel that way
by default. Just for fun, when I reached a particular age of my choosing I
decided to go backwards on every next birthday. I know, it sounds crazy.
Yes, you
also can think about becoming younger! How about that and why not? Therefore,
as a celebration of every next birthday, claim to be a year younger than you
were the previous year. However, don’t expect anyone to notice any difference
or even care. But they might. Do it because it does wonders in sustaining a
great frame of mind and sense of amusement. If you can’t laugh at the silliness
of life… forget about it.
Consequently,
my daughter Sari asked, "Dad, what happens when you get to be my age while
going backwards?" Ooops! I had not considered that. Well… I guess I will
end my make believe age regression back towards childhood - let's say around a
respectful 56. After all, it would be difficult for my dear daughter to explain
how her father is younger than she is. Besides, my distinguished silver hair will
surely give it away.
However, by
keeping ourselves healthy and in good physical shape maybe we can get away with
it. No matter, making life fun and amusing can keep anyone young at heart.
Incidentally, I’m not crazy. Indeed, I am healthy, vibrant and lucid even when
I choose to behave immaturely. Why should I grow up when I’m having so much fun
now? How about you?
It may be
important to note that I am not a licensed professional self-help expert. However,
I have become my own expert and I trust that you will come to agree that I am a
super and superb expert. We will become experts together because we all
potentially are experts. It’s true, trust in that. If someone asks you to
assume a role of teacher, healer, philosopher, holy man or simply just a real
regular guy - take your expertise and insight directly from the schoolroom of
your life. Yes, we are experts. Don’t spend another moment thinking we’re not. We
know good stuff.
I’ve become
comfortable offering my opinions because I have lived through the experiences
that have proved them accurate to me. I bet it may be the same with you whether
you realize or believe it yet. You will love what you read here, or you can
disagree with it. At least, allow it to stimulate you to create your own great
point of view about things that have made you who and what you are today. Maybe
I will say something profound. Don't miss out!
Ponder on this. Life is an
amazing journey - even while triumphing or stumbling through the process. When
falling during the hard times, it can really hurt. Sometimes it’s difficult getting
back up. Often it will take a complete attitude adjustment and a paradigm shift
for it to happen. But, it will happen if
you want it to happen.
The dictionary says a paradigm is a model,
a set of assumptions, concepts, values and practices that constitute a way of
viewing reality for the group that shares them. Exploring new paradigms can be
like trying on a new fashion of clothing. You don’t readily know whether it
will fit you well, if you will look good in it or even if you will like it.
However, you bravely put it on and go forward with a new perspective about
yourself and things in general - just to try it out. Yep… that’s what I did. I
experimented and created a new me. You can absolutely do the same.
Now you
know me and can appreciate what I have to tell you. This book is full of things
worth talking about, serious, silly, and light-hearted. So for a brief time suspend
what you know and look at things through my eyes with curiosity and an open
mind. Become uplifted and enjoy yourself as you become an expert about life -
like me of course. Have fun, be serious, be joyful or be a gloomy curmudgeon -
be however you choose to be. I choose life and contentment and my journey
evolves towards the best, always considering self-reinvention along the way.
Join me!
This is
what we will talk about. Think of it as a conversation between regular guys –
young or mellowed in age - and even with gals who may be interested. Don’t
worry about the sometimes bawdiness or off-humor; because anything might be
acceptable in the course of spirited conversation. So, here is my slant on life… how I see it.
Participate
in this conversation, and allow the experiences and opinions to affect you as
they may. Oops… see, I am telling you
what to do already - but, don't worry about it, because I am on your side. At
best I shall only offer good examples of reasonable thinking to consider - and
it will always be your choice. O.K., now let's play ball! I'm up, and so are you.
“The greatest good you can do for another
is not just to share your riches,
but to reveal to him his own.”
~ Benjamin Disreali ~
Take this
ride with me because I have done my best for you and this book will prove
interesting – and to borrow an old expression, maybe the best thing since man
walked on the moon. Oh boy, am I full of myself today; however I do remain a
regular guy.
That’s
how this book came to be, and why you should read it.
