Last post we talked about women
turnoffs. Now let's be fair and consider dating turnoffs from the man's
perspective. Again, I have borrowed some thoughts from Lisa Copeland, a dating
coach - about what men find objectionable about women on the first date.
1. Men want to meet the real you. Don't wear shape-enhancing
garments to deceive us. If we end up in bed with you we don't want to be
surprised by a totally different body other than the one you advertised. Be
honest and authentic. Show up as the real you, and a man will respect that.
2. Don't complain about the men in your life when with
another gentleman on a first date. Men do not appreciated that. If you continue
with your male-bashing - don't count on a second date. Your date will picture
you doing it about him when on a date with someone else. Do your male-bashing
with your female friends.
3. Post current pictures of yourself online, as you would want
men to do. Post a full body picture - face and body. Men know the game
when posting only your face. Men are physical beings - appreciating your
personality is only part of the attraction. Also be honest about your age. Many
men will be interested in you regardless of your age. Most important, don't
deceive and disappoint on purpose. Again, be honest and authentic.
4. Don't turn a man into a pet project. Don't try to mold him
into an image acceptable to you, in your life. If the man sees that you have
such designs, he will become short history in your life. Most men like the way
they are and how they live. Give a relationship time to mellow - before you
make any recommendations for change. If your man likes you he might accommodate
some of your requests. Go slow and be nice, you're not his mother.
5. Don't flaunt your super woman independence and
self-sufficiency. Being proud is fine, however an experienced over 50 man wants
to feel needed and able to take care of some things for you. Men show their
love in forms of action - not words. If you make him feel unneeded, he will
move on to another women. Find space in your independence to accept what a man
is willing to give you and do for you. Be flexible in your priorities - being
super woman or a soft and accepting woman. You will better attract men with
sweetness than aggressiveness.
6. Men do not appreciate competing with your iphone on a date.
Don't be rude - turn it off. You won't have much pleasure snuggling in bed with
a cell phone nor will it comfort you after a difficult day. The fellow you are
with on your date could turn out to be your knight in shining armor. Pay full
attention to him, and you might be glad you did.
7. Limit your drinking on a first date. Chugging down the
martinis will remind him of watching a football game with his buddies at the sports
bar. He will wonder if you have a drinking problem, or if he is a bad date,
or if you are looking for a one night stand. Too much alcohol will impair your
judgment and possibly put him in control for the wrong reasons.
8. Watch what you wear and do on a first date. Be aware of
over-revealing your feminine charms because the man will pay close
attention to your signals and will interpret your intentions. If you are
looking for sexual pleasure after dinner and drinks - fine, but don't count on
a meaningful relationship. If that's not your intention, behave and appear like a lady to
encourage a second date. There's a time and place for everything.
9. Be kind to a man writing you online. If you must reject him,
do so with courtesy and thank him for writing you. Let the fellow know you
don't think you're a right fit, that you don't have enough in common with him.
Treat him as you would like to treated yourself and wish him luck on his
dating journey. It never hurts to be nice. What you give - you get back.
10. Always show appreciation for what a man does for you. If you don't he will do nothing for you. Give a sincere "thank you" and some meaningful "I appreciate you" comments, because they go a long way in building and keeping a relationship going. Men enjoy pleasing women. If you take it for granted - it will stop.
As it takes two to tango, it takes two people, each contributing 100%, to encourage and celebrate a meaningful and loving relationship.
Share with me your experiences, comments and questions and I would love to answer.
Steve
Kerner – Over 50… A Divorced Man’s Point Of View
Becoming
Extraordinary
By Loving Life Through People
Find Lisa
Copeland at these links:
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